So after days of agonizing about grad schools, I've come to some pretty drastic conclusions.
I don't feel peace about either decision. Even when I factor out any fear-based decisions as my friend the humanitarian sugggested, they tie on a pros and cons list.
For that reason I've decided to say fuck it all.
I'm going back overseas. My grandfather has always been trying to get me to do the peace core, and I've never been happier than when I've had all my belongings on my back. I'm about to let the winds direct my sails... thank you my piratey friends for this lesson.
And thank you to a certain Cornellian who habitually reads blogs. Because previous to this sentence this post is all bullshit... and it's for you.
You've been an amazing friend to me in the past. In fact, I know I wouldn't have gotten into good grad programs if it wasn't for you. You saw potential in me when virtually no one, including Mark... did. You patiently put up with my bullshit when things were ugly between me and Mark, and I haven't forgotten that. I will never forget that, and I will always be grateful to you.
I see good in Ryan perhaps you don't see. this is ok. I can tell you honestly that he didn't consciously mean to do anything to you to hurt you: quite the opposite. He felt everything he did was for your best. Hate him if you want, but I can't watch you hurt him. He'll never be the one to tell you, but he thought a lot of you, especially after the breakup with Jesse he saw a lot of changes in you for the better. However, you were successful in your quest. You hurt him a lot.
Tali if you want to know how I'm doing... Ask. Otherwise I suggest you stop caring. But since I know you are reading this, I know you still do care =)
Just promise me you'll stop trying to hurt Ryan. I know your pretty damn stubborn... which in most cases makes you pretty damn awesome. In this case it may mean we aren't friends anymore over something pretty trivial. This is a retarded way to end a perfectly good yet strange friendship. I have few enough females I actually can speak the language with...
So there it is. It's up to you.
