Yah Vacation!

I just got back from 2 weeks of not being in Ithaca... it was beautiful and refreshing. I got to see a lot of good friends that I wish I could take back with me, some of whom I hadn't seen in 4 years. I did a lot of deep thinking and close talking, and a bit of drinking and spending. And I engaged in a timeless ritual embraced by women of all creeds, ethnicities and values... to show I've changed (and gotten over a man): I've chopped off my hair and gotten a lot of new clothes.

It feels good.

There's much in my head to transcribe of the particular thoughts and conversations I've had in the last 2 weeks... a lot I really want and need to write out. For now, here's a poem I wrote a couple days in when I was making up for lost REM sleep:

A Recurring Dream:

I don't know where were going
but you're driving me home
I know all these roads
all too many
and you're taking too long
for I feel the ending
and I missed the start
but you take the long way
and I know it by heart

I've known you so little
if I count the time
But it always felt different
But I know that movement
and some of these words
And I was lost in that mystery
Whatever that mystery,
we're no longer alone.

I dreamed you dug shallow
where bodies would be
And you moved by your passion
but the hole was empty
I don't know the meaning
But only the theme...
you're loosing your mystery
but you're where you should be.

It's so rare in waking
that you're at the wheel
we smile and talk simple
and it's as it should be
How little I know you
How much I feel different
I dream from the backseat
yet the passengers gone..

I dream from the backseat
but never got home

Finally... Peace.

NOTE/DISCLAIMER - I PURGED THIS POST OF MORE PERSONAL DETAILS. THIS IS JUST THE END.


It's weird how the people who make you the happiest are often the same ones who make you the saddest. I still feel sad but not conflicted, I feel even more lonely and I imagine that will get worse. But I feel at peace, very much at peace.

Some of you have been telling me to do this for a while...

My friend Jesse told me: “You know this is kinda cheesy Orri, but when I get said I imagine myself on a boat where all my sadness and misery is on an island behind me. And I keep putting myself there, in that boat, as it slowly becomes smaller and smaller on the Horizon”

“But where are you going when you move away from it?” I asked. I've always been uncomfortable not having a path towards a future goal, even to the expense of the present.

“I don't know. We never know. But that's what makes life so interesting”