Oh but for chaos.

moved to other blog.. 3/25/09

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Frustrated in an Art Museum…

As a kid I saw an episode of Rocky and Bulwinkle where Bulwinkle becomes a famous artist by whitewashing canvases. I thought of that when I came across a dappled white canvas in an art museum last weekend: different shades of white mind you, but white. By the side of that painting was a paragraph on the artist’s inspiration, which read something like “I was walking down the hallway one time when I realized I didn’t understand myself walking down the hallway. It made me realize how little we truly do not understand the world around us”. I’d agree that people do not understand the simpler things they do, and increased awareness of one’s self and surroundings is meaningful… but how is that message communicated through dappled shades of white? Other than perhaps a Rorschach-style interpretation where I present my own interpretation into ambiguous stimuli, this painting has no meaning. It isn’t even beautiful…. Art is a controversial term, and I’m sure even artists argue about its definitio
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Defining Orriana-ism

So a church emailed me today to try to recruit me to their numbers... It's a church label that I used to sometimes attend in Ann Arbor, and it was good for a church... but still church. They'd focus on service to the community and talk about christian ethics in terms of simplicity and global warming rather than regurgitated and bland self-help book stuff or doctrine thats bland at best and wrong at worst. It did get bland sometimes... it was still church. I like spiritual communities, and occasionally one can find one within a church. I'd meet a few people I can relate to, who react to events that move beyond chance the way I do, and who have similar morals for similar reasons. But most of the time I find people who remind me of the same dangerous and hateful things I was raised with... which did more damage than good to a lot of people around me. I'm still trying to figure out if there's a better way to find a spiritual community. I definitely feel now, that Christ
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2 days... 90 minutes of sleep.... and still wanting to think.

Sometimes I feel very sharklike, in that I need to keep moving at all times in order to stay (in this case psychologically) alive. When I have little to do, I desire to do little: when I have much to do, that's when I find the desires to do things more meaningful with the time I have less of, or I find myself looking more closely at my life. So yes... two days ago I was up at 5, then I went to school went to the lab and at 7:30 PM started painting the interior of a house until 6:30 AM. I took a 90 minute nap before returning to school, and after I left the lab that night I went painting again. It's 3:30 AM and I'm physically exhausted. But mentally, I'm needing to for a long hard jog. Within these two days with a 90 minute nap between, I talked to a girl who had went through a very similar breakup to my painful one in September (unapologetic ownership of ex-girlfriend porn and all!). Only she broke up with her ex in the last 2 days... so a lot of the negative feeling
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