Defining Orriana-ism

So a church emailed me today to try to recruit me to their numbers... It's a church label that I used to sometimes attend in Ann Arbor, and it was good for a church... but still church. They'd focus on service to the community and talk about christian ethics in terms of simplicity and global warming rather than regurgitated and bland self-help book stuff or doctrine thats bland at best and wrong at worst.

It did get bland sometimes... it was still church.

I like spiritual communities, and occasionally one can find one within a church. I'd meet a few people I can relate to, who react to events that move beyond chance the way I do, and who have similar morals for similar reasons. But most of the time I find people who remind me of the same dangerous and hateful things I was raised with... which did more damage than good to a lot of people around me.

I'm still trying to figure out if there's a better way to find a spiritual community. I definitely feel now, that Christianity isn't necessarily the best place to find those kinds of people. The stance of the American church does not tend to value their environment or value life (other than human). Whereas the Jewish group at EMU hosted charities to benefit the whole community, all the Christian ones just sought converts and held bible studies. Screw that. Where is "I was hungry and you fed me, I was in prison and you visited me" in all that? Where is "live simply, work with your hands" and "don't let your right hand see what the left is doing" when good deeds are done? The values I espouse are about loving all people... especially those rejected and unloved, for no simple reason that they should be loved, and that evil comes from people who had evil done to them. Someone has to break the cycle of that, which means loving your enemies and turning the other cheek. It's about putting yourself last, believing in justice, service and responsibility. It's about forgiveness, and always being willing to sacrifice for others.

But I don't meet too many Christians who believe in this mindset or behavior pattern over say... reading a book and protesting science being taught in classrooms. And it pisses me off. The fact that the American church is highly pro-war... for any war... and this one being a terrible and meaningless war... pisses me off even more.

I've come to a place where I'm ok not labeling myself Christian because of this. I have no problems with Christ's teachings, but I have no need for dogma, ritual or faith as defined by blind leaps into space when some religious leader tells you to do so. That shit kills.... and I've seen it kill. I let it eat me away for years. If one believes in a "loving" God that tortures people for eternity for not saying some religious magic words or performing some other little ritual, what will their own love look like? That is not unconditional love... that is a controlling, inconstant and meaningless affection... a very bipolar god I would not want to spend any time with. There are people who by evangelical definitions are doomed in hell who I would gladly give my life for and switch places, because I know they are good, and I know they are beautiful, even more so than so many people who have said those magic words into space. I'd go to hell for a lot of people if it would do any good. But the answer I got when I prayed into this? That's the point. That's what Jesus was supposed to be about. If there is an eternal hell for anyone, the gates of hell did prevail. If every knee will bow and tongue confess, why will some still get punished? There has to be a journey... there has to be mistakes and lessons and cycles of growth, because that is what being human is all about. A movie where the characters did nothing but sit still and worship in other bliss would be insanely boring, and so would such a heaven.

The love that comes from the followers of such a god will love in much the same way, turning against their relatives when they are gay, smiling forcefully towards any they believe are doomed if isn't for their magical lifeline. That isn't me... and the last vestiges of that belief system will be worked out of my system sooner rather than later.

So what am I? "Spiritual but not religious" is probably the best label... and only if I have to have one. I certainly don't feel I need one. I have experienced things that go beyond chance and I have met others who have had similar experiences. I do believe in something beyond the directly observable, and in some manner, I do believe in God. I just don't think he/she/it's an asshole. But everything I do "believe" is probabalistic. I don't know for sure if there is a God, I don't know for sure if when I die I will get to sit down for coffee with this cosmic presence.... I won't know... until I die. So all I have is a guess, a guess which if I'm very lucky, can be occasionally tested as a hypothesis through prayer, meditation and interacting with the world. And I'm ok with that.

Maybe some day I'll work out the central tenets of Orrianaism... but for now, here's that letter I wrote back to the Ithaca Vineyard:

Hey Rebecca,

I checked out your church website a little while ago and found that I don't think I'd fit in so well. The Vineyard I attended before was very service-oriented and was in no way connected to politics like a lot of other American churches, and was in now way, well... fundamentalist like a lot of other protestant or nondenominational churches. But something on your website gave me cause for concern, and I'm guessing I'm interpreting it correctly, it simply said "We believe that the Bible is the inspired, infallible word of God"

This leads me to believe that the church does not take an open stance to evolution, or perhaps growing research supporting the idea that homosexuality is fixed and therefore should not be treated as a sin... or that similar stands are taken where people choose their interpretation of the bible over things which I believe is probabilistically far more like to be true, and standing against those things perhaps even ethically wrong.

I believe the bible is valuable, but I believe to take words translated from fragmented manuscripts in dead languages that in most cases vary between copy to copy, one will make an idol out a collection of texts that even at best, is fallible just like any human teacher would be.... and that's only assuming Christian denominations could agree on a translation or interpretation. I really don't find the belief that the Nicean council could simultaneously put only the most inspired and true books together out of hundreds while these same leaders were persecuting other religions a necessary or even likely belief. If anything... I think little statement is very divisive, and when taken seriously enough, a dangerous belief that makes one loose site of what we know of Christ's teachings.

I really don't know where I could find a spiritual community out here where people do share my beliefs, or even if I need to find one. It certainly would be nice, but I'm still looking.

thanks anyways,

Christina