An Evolving Disciple

As a few of you know, I have a second blog on which I put things either a) just for myself (writing i don't want all over the internet) or b) too personal for this, my general blog linked to myspace. I've come to the conclusion that there is a lot I want to talk about with people via digital communication in this fashion... Personal things I don't necessarily want anyone browsing on myspace to find or any random people I'll meet through Cornell. Chances are, if you are reading this... I do trust you, but you aren't the only people who can find me via myspace. There are more casual friends who WILL find me through myspace and I'll want to update on my life... but as I go to a town where my closest friends are not necessarily within the town, I might want to do something blog-format for the scattered inner-circle. So, if you are a friend who is a regular blog reader who wants to read my writing about things such as a) spirituality and b) my emotional and personal ...

So the procrastination ended to day when I found out that my thesis needs to be in within the next 2 weeks to the honors college or bad things happen... which means I need a solid copy sent to the honors department head and my advisor in the next couple days... (preferably tomorrow) which means my original plans of coming back in the Fall to defend and working on the second and third draft over the summer are shot (I heard originally that as long as my thesis was in before I walked this wasn't a problem, and I walk in December since there's no summer ceremony.) Well I was wrong... My dad gets in town tomorrow night, there's a going away party for me then... Wed I show my dad around a bit and load the van, and by Thurs night I'll be in Ithaca again... Friday I'll be meeting my grad advisor.... So what work needs to be done needs to be done tonight... as does studying for my stats final. So yes... time to pull out the caffeine pills and make miracles happen.

I did a bit of free-writing about some things awaiting me in Ithaca, much of which is a little too personal for this blog, and these excerpts are borderline. But most of you who understand it I trust it with, so here it is: I could easily forget it all, to pretend you are just like any of the rest, until it really is so. But in those other cases, the good could be more easily sifted from the bad, the gifts were a bit more mutual and eternal and the misunderstandings could eventually be nothing more. But the weight of what you did leave me with is much heavier, and the memories would eat me away from the inside even if I did not rehearse them consciously. In the perfect world, I'd still retain you, I'd still cherish you... and nothing but the physical would have to change. But the physical and broken promises is all you left me with, giving me a a bittersweet aversion and attraction to all similar emotions that can come afterwards for others.... for you were a wonderful ...

It’s been a while since I posted, yet there have been about 4 different half-baked ideas of things worth writing about in my head… so I’ll just try to distill them all in a couple short posts over the next couple days. I remember when Roberto first moved into the house he is moving out of this weekend. He looked out the window of a room I once rented when I first moved to Michigan, the room he was now moving into. He looked out the window amid a conversation: “Hey Orriana” “What?” “You ever climb on the roof?” I looked out… the roof did just our just under my window and lead to the side… “No” “Well why the hell not?!” Months later (when it had warmed up a bit) Roberto and his girlfriend Lauren were packing up his things and I was downstairs, having moved back into the house myself in May. By this point, Roberto was effectively already living with Lauren... but kept himself from moving his things an hour away until mid-June. I was in the middle of something at this point, though I...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47EBLD-ISyc